When Things Don't Come Out Right

hey ashkie, yea, you're pretty much on point throughout your post. no self-control, guilt, shame, uncertainty, hidden reasons, doubts. everything, even if small ones, piles up together eventually and becomes too heavy to bear. and costed our relationship, which i probably shouldn't have went for when i wasn't ready. so many decisions that i made on a whim these past months which caused so much grief within the 3 of us. i definitely need to reflect and find back myself before i get together with anyone, be it with you, her, or someone else. i would have to get over both of you; right now at my current state, i would long for one if i'm with the other. i would have to learn to move on, learn from my mistakes and forgive myself too; not sure how i'm gonna do that, but i'll manage eventually.  you definitely deserve better, not just me at my best, but also potentially someone else better too. you probably heard it a thousand times already, but i'm ju...

hey ashkie, This will be the last time I write something like this to you too, so if you're going to read this, bear with me a little. (Pardon me if there're grammar mistakes or mispelt shiet or things that might not make sense, i wrote it in one sitting my eyes cmi alr, will proof read again) I owe you an honest explanation to the times when I left you. The very first time when I did it, it was partly because I wasn't ready to commit again, and also because I missed her, and wanted to fix things with her. On the night before I broke up with you, I met up with her. We had dinner and talked. I told her about us being together. I asked for her forgiveness, and she was willing to. But she demanded for your number, which I denied a couple of times. I shouldn't have went to find her when I was still with you, and the only thing left to do was to end things with you the next day. I promised her that, and I prepared my heart for the next day. Then I met with you, and we...